Houston, We Have A Problem

So, as you all know, I've been very, very, VERY inactive on this blog for a long time and there is an explanation for that. I'm simply unmotivated to do what I need to do in this class. One of the reasons is that I'm still in regular high school mode and I'm pretty sure that I always will be. By "regular high school mode" I mean I'm used to having teachers have a lesson plan before the day even begins and the students just do what their told and they're told how to do it. We have specific guidelines. My brain has been wired like this due to all the years of schooling and I don't know how to work for myself when it comes to school. It's hard to do your own thing when you're so used to someone doing it for you. With all of that said, I'm not saying that this class isn't helpful for other students ir that it's not the collets class ever because honestly, it is. I love sitting in class and listening to everyone's opinion and their different outlook on certain situations because it opens my mind to new thoughts, but for some reason it's difficult for me to do work outside of the classroom. After being in this class for a whole school year I have also realized something else about myself. I'm terrified of rejection and that is not a great quality to have, especially in this class. Because of that fear, I have gotten way behind on my work and I don't know if I can get out of the grave that I have dug for myself. All I can do now is work as hard as possible and hope for the best.